Um, hi…. Sorry I took so long.

13 07 2011

The original tittle of this blog… that I started last week was “21 Days, A reflection”.  It was supposed to be some deep and spiritual blog about the 21 day fast my husband and I had just finished.  Only when I sat down to write it, I had… NOTHING.   I tweeted “blog coming soon” several times… but every time I tried to write, I had nothing to say. To be honest, that is how I felt a lot of the time through the fast. Even to the point of almost quitting cause it seemed pointless.  I wasn’t getting any visions or huge spiritual moments.  I barely got anything at all.   The physical part of the fast wasn’t so bad either.  Not eating dairy, meat or most processed carbs was not as hard as I thought it was going to be, although there were a few nights that I might have given my left  arm for a glass of wine after a long day with a 2 year old. I actually felt a lot healthier and we have made a lot o changes to our regular diet ( for the better) because of it.

So now, almost 2 weeks have gone by and I’ve had a bit more time to reflect and listen to God.  Here’s what I learned…

1) God is changing my heart slowly..otherwise I’ll FREAK out. 

I grew up a very lucky only child.  I was never in want of anything.  My parents were married (40 years this year), I had a good education, etc…  When I came to the Lord as an adult, he showed me my gifts in the ministries of music and creative arts.  My Christian life was pretty easy.  But lately, God’s been breaking my heart for the suffering.  The unlucky in life.  Showing me more and more how RICH I am in so many ways, and how I idolize so much of it.  OUCH.  It hurts.  He’s breaking my heart so it is more like His…. slowly.  I love how He knows that if He did this quickly, I might freak out and rebel like my 14 year old self.

2) I turn to 8 other things before I turn to God for Comfort.

Ok, maybe not 8.. but I have so many things I turn to when I am feeling down, or stressed.  Anything from my husband, to food, Facebook, TV, you get the idea.  But I’m supposed to come to Him.  He tells us to “cast our cares” on Him, but I don’t do that often enough and I need to.  I had a pretty bad day yesterday and, long story short, I just sat and cried to Him and told him all the horrible ( read: MINOR things in BIG picture) things that had gone wrong and why I was frustrated and upset and afraid.  then I just asked for comfort and Peace.  My entire household slept solidly through the night last night for the first time in awhile… coincidence?

3) I need to Believe in the Power of Prayer… and exercise it more.

Do you ever feel that when you say “I’ll pray for you” that it feels more like a “sorry I can’t do anything Real / Helpful for you”?  Do you know, I mean REALLY know that its the biggest thing we can do for someone?  I’m not talking a “Dear God, please heal Susy” but on your knees praying and interceding for someone.   When my Husband was deployed, I had a lot more free time on my hands. I prayed a lot, I talked to God about everything.  Now that my Hubby is home, I’m busier.  We have more social things to do, church meetings, date nights, etc.  I lost a lot of prayer time and God misses our talks.  I have also been feeling guilty about not praying when I know I need to do it more.

So there you have it. nothing earth shattering or mind blowing.  No sheets dropped from the sky with life altering visions.  Just a few little glimpses into the person God is trying to mold me into.   …I press on towards the goal.

Till next time!


21 Days…

15 06 2011

“I ate no pleasant food, no meat or wine came into my mouth…”  Daniel 10:2

One of my summer goals is to SIMPLIFY things.  God has been opening my eyes to how much STUFF we ( all of us) have.  In our homes, in our lives, in our bellies. Cloggin and distracting us from what matters.  Causing our greedy hearts to THRIVE!!    My friend posted this comment on FB this morning : “…Amazing to think that 138 million people in USA attend churches and collectively have 2.5 trillion dollars per year. The USA church would be the 7th richest country in the word..”  Another new friend  works for and spoke this weekend at church on the poverty of other countries.  I’ve known it, I’ve seen the missions pictures before, but not until recently has God really MOVED me about it.

…I combine these thoughts with some personal realizations I’ve been having and dealing with lately.  For instance, I am an emotional eater.  I have a food vice for everything.  I also have a rebellious streak and food issues from being diagnosed with Type 1 Diabetes when I was 9 years old.   I still remember sitting in the hospital and listening to my doctor tell me all the things ” You’re not allowed to eat”.  SO I would eat “it”, whenever I could get it… chocolate, cakes, cookies. Now that I’m an adult I still carry the feeling that I have to sneak and defend everything I eat cause someone is going to scold me.   I could go on and on with my reasoning. but I will stop here and just say this is going to be interesting.

Today my husband and I started the “Daniel” fast.  I am making some minor modifications because of my T1 diabetes, but sticking to it as much as possible.  We will be eating a basic vegan diet for the next 21 days. with some extra “rules”.  No processed foods ( technically, pop tarts are vegan…. really.  go look it up)  This also means no Coffee or Wine for me ( YIKES! start praying now!)

“When you fast, do not look somber as the hypocrites do, for they disfigure their faces to show others they are fasting. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.  But when you fast, put oil on your head and wash your face,  so that it will not be obvious to others that you are fasting, but only to your Father, who is unseen; and your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you. – Matthew 6:16 – 18

Soooo… why am I talking about it?  Well #1 Prayed about it and feel I got the go ahead from God to share my journey and #2… do I need another reason?  Obviously I have personal and spiritual reasons for doing this ( which will remain private) I feel that the emotional side of this (for me) will be worth sharing.

As I post this Day 1 is over.  I had fruit, peanut butter and soy milk for breakfast, various snacks throughout the day, a big yummy salad for lunch and roasted potatoes and carrots with spinach and white beans for dinner.  Bowl of fruit for dessert.  Honestly the roughest time I’ve has all day is…now.  When I’m usually catching up on blogs and facebook with a glass of wine, which has been replaced by a glass of soy milk…. but God makes it all worthwhile.

Till next time…